Their Fic
by Ishuzu
Summary: The YGO chars. are as mad as hell and they're not gonna take it anymore! They write their own fanfic; with destructive consequences! Less tacky than it sounds, hopefully -.- 3rd Chapter Bakuraness
1. Down with Fanfiction!

Me: Okay... So I like fanfiction as much as the next person on this site. But the thing is: I just remembered (after being here for one year plus) what it's really about. Absolute indulgence for the author to take characters that don't belong to him/her and bend their personalities to his/her evil, author will. Basically, it's about fun! ^_^ Oh, I'm sure all the angst writers are shocked and appalled at that, but hey... it is. So please... Sit back, perhaps with a soda, perhaps in a fancy recliner... and read... and have fun with my fic, it's all I ask.   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! *sniggers* And I suppose that's a good thing because the episodes would make even less sense then they do now if I had my hands on them...   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yami stumbled sluggishly down the stairs. The morning was cold but he felt unbearably hot and therefore, stopped to open a window before he continued his descent. Soon, he was surprised by the smell of bacon frying and his eyes adjusted to the sun-lit kitchen.   
  
"Morning ^_^" smiled Ryou who was leaning over the stove, flipping the bacon with one hand and turning the radio up with the other. Yami managed a slight circle-wave and focused his ears on the radio. He heard one of his favorite angsty classics.  
  
"With the lights out; it's less dangerous  
  
Here we are now; entertain us  
  
I feel stupid and contagious  
  
Here we are now; entertain us..."  
  
Ryou tutted at the small, FM radio and freed one hand to change the station, mumbling something it being too early for Nirvana. Yami silently agreed.   
  
The former pharaoh sat down at the table, hearing a different tune filling the kitchen. The Spin Doctors, he thought.   
  
"One, two... Princes kneel before you  
  
(that's what I said now)  
  
Princes Princes who adore you  
  
(Just go ahead now)"  
  
Yami reached for the newspaper that sat across from him on the polished, wood table. His desire to learn about current affairs was immediately squelched when he heard the dry, raspy voice belonging to the person sitting across from him.  
  
"Watch it, Motou! I'm not finished with that!"   
  
"You're already reading the Ra-damned stock section, Kaiba! At least give me the sports!"   
  
Seto's ice blue eyes glared at the former pharaoh over the crisp edge of the Domino City Times. "What in the name of Obelisk the Tormenter would you want with the stocks?!"  
  
"Now, Kaiba..." Ryou turned from his place at the kitchen counter to nag at Seto. "No dueling-talk at the breakfast table."  
  
"What?!" The multi-millionaire demanded. "I just SAID 'Obelisk the Tormenter'..."   
  
Ryou pointed the spatula at him in warning and Kaiba rolled his eyes, indignantly turning the page. Yami smiled a little before saying,   
  
"At least give me the damn sports page." Seto obliged.   
  
A fourth figure came tromping sleepily down the stairs, this one looking much like the boy at the stove. Bakura shuffled into the kitchen and turned his chair backwards before he sat down so that he was facing the back end.   
  
"You just can't sit down like a normal person, can you?" sneered Seto.   
  
Bakura rolled his eyes and reached for the Calendar section before grumbling something about shoving Seto in a blender.   
  
"Well, I see someone hasn't had his coffee yet this morning..." Seto laughed and took a sip of the steaming cup of java in front of him (black, of course). Bakura made an obscene hand gesture as Tristan and Joey came down the stairs at the same time, both yawning.   
  
"Man, I'm wiped!" Joey sighed and collapsed in a chair near Yami. "Yesterday, I was in two angst fics, three MaiXMe pairings and some comedy where I had to dance around aimlessly in a lobster suit."  
  
Seto sighed. "Oh really? Well, I was paired with Isis, Mai, Tea..." He shivered "and Serenity... Then I was in four angsts, two me-bashings, and FIVE attempted suicides."   
  
Tristan shook his head sympathetically and muttered, "Harsh..." Bakura laughed. Joey paused for a moment before saying, "WHAT about my sister?"  
  
"Well, I'm afraid I have everyone beat..." Yami grinned, crossing his arms defiantly over his broad chest. "I was in six angsts, eight ancient Egypts, three Ask the Yamis quiz shows and paired with just about everyone in the cast." He paused for a time and then said, "Save Noah and Mokuba."  
  
Ryou chose this moment to drop his cooking and turn to say, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Yami, but I double you in all those categories... Plus I've been in more yaoi than I can count..."   
  
All of the male Yu-Gi-Oh! characters mumbled uncomfortably. They didn't like talking about yaoi much.   
  
Yami sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Something has got to be done about this..."   
  
"I know." Seto grumbled, folding the corners of the paper neatly together before tossing it aside. "It's all gotten so out of hand."   
  
"And it all started with that guy... eh... What's his name?" Joey snapped his fingers, trying to clear his mind.   
  
"Kazuki Takahashi..." everyone else groaned monotonously.   
  
"Yeah..." The blonde's eyes narrowed. "Rich bastard makin' money offa all the stupid shit he puts us through..."   
  
Yami nodded. "I know. It was one thing having our own show and all... But now... Well, it's all gotten to be too much... Fanfiction..." There were mumbles of agreement.   
  
"Well," Ryou sighed as he placed breakfast on the table. "If you'll excuse me, gentlemen... I have to be in another angst in about two minutes so enjoy..."   
  
"Yeah..." Tristan sighed as he stood up. "I gotta be in a random fic... I hate those."   
  
The group at the breakfast table began to depart, mumbling their laments, when suddenly Yami stood from his place at the head of the table.   
  
"No... Wait--" He paused and then narrowed his eyes. "Why are we doing this?! Ryou, you're tired of all the attempted suicides and YouXBakura pairings, aren't you?"  
  
Ryou and Bakura exchanged glances and both shrugged. "Well, yes..."  
  
"And, Kaiba, though it's quite humorous to me, how many more Kaiba-bashings can you take?" Kaiba narrowed his eyes but nodded. "Joey, Tristan... What about you?! Tristan hardly ever is the subject of a fic and if he is, it's about how no one loves him. Joey, you hate being the butt of every joke and you hate being paired with Kaiba even worse..." Joey and Seto shivered simultaneously.   
  
"Listen, all of you... Why do we put up with it, day after day? I say... we take back our dignity..."  
  
There was a pause, as is custom after a speech of this magnitude. Finally, Joey raised and eyebrow and said, "Well, okay, Yami, but... how are we gonna do that?"  
  
Yami paused, not sure how he was going to carry out his own plan, when someone came through the front door, swearing profusely.   
  
"What the hell?!" It was a very pissed off author, her laptop under one arm, a mushroom floating by her head to mirror her frustration. "Ya know, not everyone has the luxury to sleep in past seven o'clock!" She tapped her wrist-watch. "I need you now."  
  
The pharaoh blinked, knowing that she meant him but he didn't make a move to follow her.   
  
"C'mon!" She sighed, shifting the laptop to the other arm. "I have stuff to write before spring break is over!"   
  
In an instant, Joey had grabbed her by the legs and Seto had pinned her arms to the wall. She screamed, but by now, resistance was futile. Yami took a step toward her, watching her stunned expression from under his golden bangs. Grinning, he reached down and wrenched the laptop from her hands.   
  
"Thank you..." He smiled amicably. In a flash, Bakura was off to find something to tie the authoress up with as Ryou watched Yami carry the laptop to a desk and open it. His fingers moved over the keys and he managed to open Notepad.   
  
"Excellent."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
In about fifteen minutes, they had the authoress tied to a chair (though she'd put up quite a fight) and were all crowded around Yami and the small computer.   
  
"So, what're ya gonna do with it?" Joey asked eagerly.   
  
"I'm voting for releasing a virus into cyberspace to wipe out all fanfiction." Seto crossed his arms and grinned.   
  
"No, no!" cried Tristan. "Send threatening emails to ff.net!"  
  
Yami smiled and laughed. "Oh, no... I'm going to do much better than that!"   
  
"Well what damnit!?!?"  
  
Yami typed in capital letters at the top of the Notepad page "OUR FANFIC". There was a stunned silence... and then cheers.   
  
The pharaoh cracked his knuckles and then began to type furiously. The others watched eagerly as the authoress mumbled "Dear... GOD..." under her breath. History, as we knew it, was changed forever. 


	2. Pharaoh VS CEO

Author's Note:  
  
The Author (that's Yami): Greetings. This is a fanfic of epic proportions. Do not attempt to adjust your computer. We control what you see and hear. We--  
  
Bakura: MWAHAHAHAHA! It's OUR FIC NOW!!!  
  
The Author: ::rolls eyes:: Yes... Anyway, enjoy. Because this is the way fanfiction rightly SHOULD be. Our Fanfiction.

* * *

One day, the Son of Re, Pharaoh of Upper and Lower Egypt and Ruler of the the Two Lands, the HANDSOME Yami Yugi... was strolling down the street toward the supermarket. His young hikari needed a loaf of bread to make lunch and so he sent his Yami, who, by the way, had had MUCH better things to be doing, on the errand.  
  
Well, as the young and HANDSOME Pharaoh walked down the street, he passed a game shop, in which there were about twenty-seven gorgeous girls watching re-runs of then-live broadcast of the Battle City duels. Yami looked through the window of the shop and saw his image on the screen of the TV. He smiled a little because he remembered the battle well. He had kicked Seto Kaiba's ass and the duel had definitely been one of his favorites to see aired again.  
  
"OMIGOD!!!" It was one of the girls inside the shop, a particularly hot one (though not nearly as hot as our hero, here, of course) and she squealed in amazement and delight. Her dainty finger pointed at Yami in the window and he blinked.  
  
"IT'S YAMI YUGI!!!"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" All the gorgeous girls screamed and ran toward the door of the shop. The HANDSOME Yami realized that if he wanted to keep all of his limbs, he would have to run for his life, which he had gotten acustom to after becoming an anime bishi. He turned on his (sexy) heel and began to run in the opposite direction as the girls poured out of the game shop, screaming his name.  
  
"YAMI, WE LOVE YOU!!"  
  
"YOU'RE SO PRETTY! CAN I JUST GIVE YOU A HUG?!?!"  
  
"YAMI! YAMI! HOW DO YOU GET YOUR HAIR TO DO THAT?!?!?"  
  
Our hero ran around a corner, out of breath, and watched as the girls passed his hideaway in some backalley, still screaming his name. He sighed and wiped the sweat off of his forehead. It was really getting strenuous, running from all of these love-struck fangirls. After all, there were SO MANY of them!! He took a deep breath and began to lean against the wall when he heard a deafening scream. Looking up, terror fell over his (sexy) face and he jumped up from the wall.  
  
There were five fangirls on the roof of the building he was leaning against and they were all strapped into hang-gliders. They screamed again and took off from the roof like giant birds. The HANDSOME Pharaoh began to run again, hoping that the girls wouldn't catch him. Who KNEW what they'd do to him if they did?! Why, they might even go so far as to rip his clothes off and then he'd be without his favorite spandex pants! What a horrible fate to befall the world's greatest and sexiest duelist!  
  
Yami took a deep breath and leaped off the ground, grabbing onto the pole holding a sign for a pizza shop. He did a front flip and soared into the air, hoping to land on the roof of another building. The Pharaoh sailed perilessly through the air until--  
  
_**EMERGENCY AUTHOR'S NOTE  
**_  
Kaiba: WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S GOOD AND HOLY ARE YOU FREAKIN' DOING, RADAMNIT!!!!???  
  
The Author: What do you mean?  
  
Joey: Yeah-Mah, what are you doing?! It isn't like that at all! And where are the rest of us, eh?!  
  
Kaiba: AND WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL THE FANGIRLS?!?!?  
  
The Author: I have many fangirls.  
  
Tristin: Yeah, but they don't dive bomb you off the side of a building!  
  
Kaiba: DAMNIT, I WON'T TAKE IT! WE DIDN'T CAPTURE AN AUTHORESS AND STEAL HER COMPUTER FOR NOTHING YOU KNOW! THIS IS ALMOST AS BAD AS REGULAR FANFICTION!  
  
The Author: I don't know what's making everyone so upset. I liked it.  
  
Kaiba: IT WAS COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC! YOU BEING CHASED DOWN BY FIFTY THOUSAND SCREAMING FANGIRLS?!  
  
Ryou: Yes... And I don't remember the last time I saw thirty-seven beautiful, screaming girls hanging around in a game shop.  
  
The Author: What?! I tried to keep it relatively realistic though interesting! And I said "TWENTY-seven" girls. More just jumped down from the rooftops.  
  
Kaiba: NO! THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH FOR MY SANITY! AND YOU DIDN'T "KICK MY ASS!"  
  
The Author: ::laughs::  
  
Tristin: Plus... I hate to say it... But there was no plot.  
  
The (Deeply Offended) Author: There was too! I was being chased by all the women and they wanted to take my spandex pants!  
  
Kaiba: SCREW THIS! GIMMIE THAT COMPUTER! ::wrestles the Author for the laptop::  
  
_**STORY RESUMES**_  
  
Just as Yami was sailing through the air he heard the noise of propellers which set his flight course off balence. He smacked into the side of another building and fell, broken and bruised on the ground. The fangirls had all completely forgotten about him of course because when the propellers came into view for Yami, he realized that it was a helicopter that had thrown him to the ground.  
  
The helicopter landed on the rooftop and Seto Kaiba stepped out of it, his bad-ass theme song playing as he gripped his breifcase and smirked.  
  
"Hello, Motou..." Kaiba said in his smooth and sexy voice. "Guess we can't all fly with the best of 'em huh?"  
  
_**AUTHOR'S NOTE**_  
  
Yami: GIVE IT BACK KAIBA!  
  
The (New) Author: NEVER! THIS STORY SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE ANYWAY!!!  
  
Yami: ::punches Kaiba and steals the laptop::  
  
_**STORY RESUMES AGAIN**_ (with bold for Kaiba's authoring and normal font for Yami's)  
  
The slightly bruised but still wickedly HANDSOME Yami Yugi laughed at Kaiba's stupid attempt at a cool zinger and stood, brushing himself off. All the worried fangirls crowded around him and petted him in hopes to ease his pain.  
  
"No, it's alright ladies... I'm fine." He glared up at Kaiba and cried, "And you're just pissed cause I'm a better duelist than you!"  
  
**"Shut up, Mouto!" Kaiba bellowed. "You're worthless and weak, you pitiful excuse for a duelist!" The fangirls swooned at his manly voice and confident air.**  
  
"Stop trying to take the fangirls, Kaiba! You're too in love with yourself for any of them to even try!" The girls went back to Yami where they BELONGED! "And what's more-- No woman would find your raspy-ass voice sexy!"  
  
**Kaiba glared at his adversary and leaped off the building, landing on his feet in a crouching pose, his trench coat blowing magestically behind him.**  
  
"You stole that from the Matrix, you lummox!"  
  
**"WEAKLING!"**  
  
"YUPPIE!"  
  
**"HIPPIE!"**  
  
"ASS HAT!"  
  
**"MONKEY CAT!"**

* * *

**FINAL AUTHOR'S NOTE OF THE CHAPTER**  
  
The Authors: ::attempt to beat the flurking schnidt out of each other::  
  
All Other YGO chars: ...O.O  
  
Bakura: ::snatches up the computer before anyone notices and runs up the stairs to his room, cackling::  
  
The REAL Authoress: God save us... 


	3. Bakura is Indeed Everywhere

The... NEW author: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Heh... Enjoy

Disclaimer: The song contained in the first part of Bakura's authoring stint is a remake (fear the word) of the song "Elvis is Everywhere" by Mojo Nixon. This song is a beautiful thing, and also a parody... But please... If it's in your power... Find the lyrics or the song. Because having it makes THIS all the funnier. I promise the next chappie will make more sense for people who haven't heard the song. But please... Try to enjoy it. It's just lovely.

Bakura's lyrics in regular print and the other characters in bold

* * *

When I look out into your eyes out there,

When I look out into you're faces,

You know what I see?

I see a little bit of Bakura in each and everyone of ya out there, Lemme tell ya! WELL...................

**Emergency A/N: Our heroes enter just in time to see Bakura's little diddy begin...**

(Chorus)

Bakura is Everywhere!

Bakura is Everything!

Bakura is Everybody!

Bakura is still the King!

**Yami: No he's not I AM!!!!**

Man oh man what I want you to see,

Is that Bakura lives off of you and Meeeee!

Ryou: Well yeah.....

Bakura is Everywhere man!

He's in Everything!

He's in Everybody!

Bakura is in your genes!

**Camera: Pans to Bakura-endorsed jeans**

He's in your cheeseburgers!

Bakura is in nutty buddies!

**Camera: Pans to Nutty Buddies with Bakura's face on the wrapper. Random people scream**

Bakura is in your MOM!

**Yami: Pardon?!**

He's in Everybody!

He's in the Young- **Camera: Pans to Mokuba**

The Old- **Camera: Pans to Yugi's Grandpa **

The fat- **Camera Pans to Kaiba's "Yami" in the 2nd season**

The skinny- **Camera Pans to Yami **

**Yami: GLARE!**

The white the black the brown

AND RYOU!!!!

**Ryou: ::mushroom sigh:: **

People got Bakura in them too!

Bakura is in everybody out there!

EVERYBODY'S got Bakura in them!

Everybody except one person that is,

Yeah one person!!!

The boring fortunate opposite of Bakura.....The ANTI-BAKURA....

Anti- Bakura got no Bakura in 'im lemme tell ya.

::PAUSE::

George W. Bush got no Bakura in him....OH!!

And Bakura is in Joan Rivers, but he's trying to get out man!

He's trying to get out!!

Listen up Joanie Bab-eh!!

Bakura is Everywhere!

Bakura is Everything!

Bakura is Everybody!

Bakura is still the King!

Man oh man what I want you to see,

Is that Bakura lives off of you and Meeeee!

**Malik: See I told you he was a parasite.**

Man, there's a lot of unexplained phenomenon out there in the world.

Lot of things people say What the heck's going on?

Let me tell ya!

Who built the pyramids?

BAKURA!!

**Yami: NO! I did!!!**

Who built Stonehendge?

BAKURA!

Yeah man you see guys walking down the street

Pushing shopping carts

You think they're talkin to Re

Or they're talking to themselves

Nah man they're talking to Bakura!

**Tea, Mai, and Serenity: Bakura! Bakura! **

**Bakura: ::tents fingers and grins:: **

**(Yami and Kaiba are horrified) **

**Kaiba: Somebody knock me out!!!!**

**Yami: ::PUNCH!:: **

**Kaiba: OW! Deadgumit!! I'm NOT UNCONCIOUS!!!!! ::Chokes Yami::**

And you what's happen down in the Bermuda Triangle?

Down in that Bermuda Triangle

**Tea, Mia, Serenity: Bakura needs boats! Bakura needs Boats! BAAKKUUUUUUUURRA NEEDS BOATS!!!!! **

**Yami: No he DOESN'T!!!!!**

Ah the sailing Bakura!

Captain Bakura!

Commodore Bakura it is!

**::pictures illustrate::**

Yeah man and you know people from outer space?

People from outer space, they come up to me!

They don't look like Dr. Spock!

They don't look like Klingons all that Star Trek jive!

They look like Bakura!

**Girls: Bakura!!! **

**::Little Green Chibi Bakuras come out of a space ship:: **

Everybody in outer space looks like Bakura!

Because Bakura is a perfect being!

We're all moving in blissful intoxication toward Bakuraness!

**Kaiba: I'm not gonna live to see this!!! I'll make sure of it!! ::sticks** **gun to head:: **

**Yami: No! There's only one bullet left and it's MINE!!! ::wrestles Kaiba for gun::**

SOON ALL WILL BECOME BAKURA!!!!!!

Everything... Everywhere... Will be Bakura

Why do you think it's called Yu-Gi-Oh! Anyway?

Yami is only the main character because Bakura LETS HIM BE!!

It's really Ba-Ku-Ra-Oh!!

Ba-Ku-Ra-Oh!!

Bakura is Everywhere!

Bakura is Everything!

Bakura is Everybody!

Bakura is still the King!

Man oh man what I want you to see

Is that Bakura lives off of you and Meeeee!

That's right ladies and gentlemen, THE TIME HAS COME!!!!

**Yami and Kaiba: 0.0!!! NOOOOOOO! **

The time has come to talk to that little bit of Bakura inside of you.

Talk to it!

Call it up!!!!

**Kaiba: NO! ::waves franticly::**

**Yami: Don't do it!**

**Both: It's a trap!!!! **

Say "Bakura! Heal me!

Save me Bakura!

Let me be born again in the perfect Bakura light"

**Bakura Zombies: BBBBBBWWWAAAAAHHHHAAAAAA! **

**Yami: We're powerless to stop it!**

**Isis/Ishuizu: Now the fate of the world is at stake!!! **

Bakura is Everywhere!

Bakura is Everything!

Bakura is Everybody!

Bakura is still the King!

Man oh man what I want you to see

Is that Bakura lives off of you and Meeeee!

**(Chorus fades out with Yami Bakura running acorss the globe, laughing maniacally)  
**

* * *

The Author: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Yami: DEADGUMMIT, BAKURA, GIVE US BACK THE FREAKIN' COMPUTER!!!

The Author: NEVER!!!!!! ::crashes out the window::

Ryou: I was afraid that was going to happen...

Kaiba: WELL NO ONE TOLD US!!!!

Joey: GET IM!!!!

All: ::leap out the window::

Ryou: ::sigh:: I'm starting to MISS the angst fics...

* * *

Also, the NEW ALMIGHTY AUTHOR, Yami Bakura has to thank a few of the readers...  
  
"Heh... Thanks to all for joining my fanclub! I knew I was loved ::wink:: Thanks **azuka kano**, **kiyoshi-wheeler**, **the Authoress formally known as Liz**, **Lady Shriannan** (luv ya, Shrianne ::Bakura-like wink::), **Mel** (thanks for not making ME a bear in the play), **Mr. Towel**, and **Isa** (Oh, but Isa-- Why do I creep you out so much anyway? I'm a really nice little tomb robber once you get to know me ::grin::)"  
  
See you all in chapter four!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The REAL Authoress: So OOC... They don't have any idea of what they're doing...


End file.
